Friends of this blog, I really need your help. I know that this is a decision that only we can make, but I need to hear your outside perspective. I need to know what you would do if you were me, more for the comfort of knowing I’m not alone in this than anything else.
You see, we have this Great Dane named Ella. She’s almost ten and has lived a long life full of bed laying and couch stealing comfort. I love her to bits. She has been through so much with us. Even now, like she does every few minutes, she has found me and curled up at my feet.
We want to take her with to Burundi, we really truly do. If we do, she will spend 30 hours in a small crate overnight in hot Ethiopia. She won’t be let out, given water or food or cared for all all. She will be treated like cargo, alive or not. When she finally reaches Burundi she will have spent 30 hours in that small crate in hot and then cold and then hot conditions. She will have been loaded and then unloaded and then loaded again and then unloaded. She will have been terrified. I know my girl, she hides under the desk at the whisper of thunder.
Then there’s this great family. They are neighbors and best friends all rolled into one. They have a big place with a huge garden and lots of spaces for exploring. They have two dogs that love Ella already and two kids that she has been around since they were born… and they have offered to give Ella a home.
Ella’s breeder thinks the trip will kill her, she told me putting her down might even be the best option. Ella’s vet thinks she will handle the trip with ease, even though he preformed major surgery on her just 6 months ago. Who’s right? In the end, let’s be real, this is probably not as much about Ella as it is about me. I don’t know if I can let go. Not of her. I’ve let go of my house, my car, all of my stuff… until this point the letting go has felt GOOD. Like a new lease on life, like a chance to shed some pounds and live lighter. But now, at the thought of Ella, it is only pain that I feel.
I know she’s just a dog, but she’s more than that to me. I know she’s old and spending the money to get her there might only allow us a few more years with her at the most. But my heart breaks at the thought of leaving her behind.
What would you do?
Love,
Kristy
oh Kristy. My heart breaks. I know this is so hard for you. My personal opinion, although I feel silly telling you this because I can in no way put myself in your shoes with your feelings towards her, is that I would let her stay with the neighbors, where you know she will be loved and cared for. The thought of that crate and her poor little doggie emotions while sitting in it just sends me over the edge. And its the harder choice, I know. But sometimes love is making the hard decision.
Is there an option for you all to get her driven up sometime? This question coming for a Southern U.S. girl who knows that may be a really stupid question:)
Praying for you lots!
((hugs)) tough decision. I think I would leave her with your friends at least you know she’ll be ok and happy and you can visit in the future, still get pics from them etc. I just think if anything happened to her on that terrible journey you would feel so awful and IMHO I think breeders know the dog better than a vet…all the best with this very hard decision!
That is an awful decision you have to make. I would also opt for the neighbors. But at the same time I would still consider putting her down (Not you, your neighbors after you leave.) I only say that because from what I know about Danes is they only live about 10 years as it is. At first that wasn’t enough for me to think of putting her down but then I thought of Lucky. Lucky is my best friend’s dog. He’s just a small mutt but we take care of him often. He loves our family and loves coming over. But when we end up taking care of him you can tell after the first day he starts to miss his family and is a bit depressed the rest of the time. Since it may be Ella’s end already the breeder might be right. Just a thought and may God give you comfort in any decision you make.
Oh, Kristy, I cry as I read this. Knowing how awful loosing a pet is my heart breaks for you. I remember when you first moved to South Africa and had this great plan to get a Dane because it was the closest you could get to a horse! It seems there is no good answer in this decision. Is there a possibility of tranquilizing her for the trip so she is unaware of her surroundings? I know 30 hours is a long time though. If not I lean towards letting her stay with the neighbors. I think you would feel worse if she didn’t survive the trip than you will if she is with your friends. I’ll pray for God to give you peace with whatever decision you make. Love you tons for all the tough choices you make!
Ugh, that is hard news. When I think of Ella I remember sitting in a chair when she put her front paws on my shoulder and stood over me–I felt about two feet tall! I remember her trying to fit under the coffee table during a storm. I remember her as the source of a few room-clearing odors.
I’m so sorry that you all are in this position, and I don’t envy your decision. It would be heartbreaking to say goodbye to Ella, but if the trip did not go well you might still say goodbye and also be filled with guilt and remorse. No one could ever blame you for trying to bring her to Burundi, and Lord-willing, she could make the journey. I can understand either decision, and I’m thankful it doesn’t fall to me to make it. Hang in there, my friend.
Ugh, that is hard news. When I think of Ella I remember sitting in a chair when she put her front paws on my shoulder and stood over me–I felt about two feet tall! I remember her trying to fit under the coffee table during a storm. I remember her as the source of a few room-clearing odors.
I’m so sorry that you all are in this position, and I don’t envy your decision. It would be heartbreaking to say goodbye to Ella, but if the trip did not go well you might still say goodbye and also be filled with guilt and remorse. No one could ever blame you for trying to bring her to Burundi, and Lord-willing, she could make the journey. I can understand either decision, and I’m thankful it doesn’t fall to me to make it. Hang in there, my friend.
Hi Kristy….my heart aches for you. I once was given a little piece of advice from your Mother. It is totally not related to your situation and your dear Ella, but it may help. I was raised Catholic, and Kent and I got married in the Catholic church. When it came time to start raising our kids in a faith, I really wanted to have them baptized in the Catholic church and raise them in that faith, but I knew that Kent didn’t feel comfortable in the Catholic faith, and I would probably end up attending church alone, with my children. It tore at my heart so, even to this day….anyway, I was talking with your Mom, and she said the smartest thing to me…”Mary, what is the most loving thing you can do for your family?”. I knew what I had to do after that. Whatever decision you make will be the right one, but just ask yourself the same question. What is the most loving thing you can do for Ella and your family. You will have your answer. love you lots.
Hey Kristy, poor you,what an awful decision. You know we had to leave our dogs behind when we came here six months ago. I was absolutely heartbroken but the thought of them being in quarantine for 7 months, 3 months in Perth winter with no heating, being flown alone just broke my heart. I could not do that to them and we had to split mom and son to go to two different homes. One went to my dad and I know she is happy as a lark, another to a friend who loves him just as much as we ever did. We miss them so much and Dec still cries for his Dommy at night. xxx There is no easy decision and I just you make peace with it. xxx Thinking of you
Dearest Friend, Did I ever tell you about the time that I tied a balloon to Lily’s collar to celebrate her 3rd birthday? She did fine until she looked up and saw the purple latex monster floating above her. She cowered and shook and was completely paralyzed. FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, when she was afraid, she experienced Post Traumatic Stress because she would look up, convinced it was the balloon still trying to attack her. Danes never forget. Few have claimed that Danes are the smartest breed in the dog kingdom, but they are certainly the most sensitive (and the most fabulous). I’m not sure there is a “right” answer here. You may wonder and second-guess your decision regardless of the one you make. But Kristy Joy, your heart and your head are wise guides; you’ve made difficult decisions over and over again. Ella feels, believes in, and connects to the love you give her, Danes never forget!
♥ I would say goodbye gently with the neighbors and leave her with that image in mind. If she were a younger, smaller pup I might feel differently.
Hi Dearest Kristy,
Before Bella McCune came into my life after Effie’s death, I wouldn’t have been able to understand your deep love for Ella. There is nothing as dependable, steadfast, nonjudgemental, tender, soulful, and joyous as a dog’s love for its human.
Westies are tough little critters, so I think Bella could withstand travel conditions like that. She is 10, and I hope to have her another 5 years or so, as many terriers live that long. If I was afraid that the trip could kill her and she was happy in another home, I would leave her behind, knowing that she was safe. Having said that, Jim tells me that when I gone (like just spending a week in Utah), Bella constantly looks for me in the car when he drives in, when she hears a sound at the door, waits near the driveway watching for my car to come home from work.
You may think this is nuts, but I’ve worked with animal communicators who always tell me to tell the horses, dogs, cats what is going to happen. So I tell Bella that I’ll always come back to her when I leave the farm. They say that the opposite it true also — tell the horse that it is going to a new home, a new owner, etc. but you will always love her and she will always be in your heart. And that she will be safe and happy where she is going. The animals understand this.
Do you remember when we had an animal communicator talk with Magi, but Magic (his dam) kept interrupting from her new home in Red Wing? The communicator said that Magic wanted to know when we were going to come and get her and take her home, just like the other times — we had leased her for a few years to two other people to raise foals for them. Magic didn’t understand that she was in her permanent home. That broke our hearts! The communicator asked us if we had told her that the new place would be her forever home. Jim and Effie went down to visit her and tell her that she was in her home.
We had a foal named Troika’s Emile de Beque whose left hind tendons were severed in his fetlock joint when he was only about 10 days old by a kick from a mare. We worked with an animal communicator to tell him about the cast he would have to wear for 4 months, then the surgery to put a stainless steel plate over two bones in the fetlock to take the place of the need for the tendons. He said that he wanted a chance to live and he understood that it would be painful and uncomfortable. After About $7500 in vet bills, he can run with the best of them. We do the communicator work over the phone. Want a reference? You just describe where you are, what Ella looks like and the communicator hooks up with the animal’s psyche. (Don’t let Ben read this, he’ll think Jim and I are crazy!)
Whatever you decide will be the best that you can do, my dear. My heart would break to leave Bella behind, just as yours will break if you leave Ella behind. Its an amazing bond between you and your doggie soulmate. On the other hand — 30 hours isn’t a terribly long time, and if you tell her all about the travel and what to expect, that will be the best you can do in that situation.
I love you, dear heart, and remember vividly your wedding! That was one of the first really important events that Jim and I attended without Effie, as she was to ill to travel with us. It was amazing to see you as a grown woman, yet remember all of the wonderful times at the farm with the teenage Kristy. The wonderful photos of you and Marko Polo at the Cannon Falls horse show in October! I wish I could send him to you. Effie, of course, sent her great love for you. The surprise of the wedding was “The Son of a Preacher Man!”
Hugs and enormous love coming to you from Jim and me.
Linda
Thank you a bah-zillion times over dear friends. A bah-zillion.
Kristy,
I say this as someone who has had to let her dog go to a new home. We had two Beagles a few years ago and our little girl Beagle needed more than I could give her with a job, another Beagle, and an 18 month old. Cory also worked a lot of late nights too. She needed many walks a day and acted up when she didn’t. I wasn’t going to be the person to let her go. I didn’t want to be THAT person who gave up on a dog and sent it along. But her life wasn’t great. We had to gate her all the time so she didn’t steal Henry’s food and she had to be kenneled a lot because she would go to the bathroom in the house all the time. One day I just realized that her life could be better with someone else. I didn’t want to let her go because I loved her, but I knew she could get more attention with another family. A young couple adopted her from us and she is the center of their universe. It makes me happy to see her getting all that attention, but it killed me when I dropped her off. I bawled my eyes out. This isn’t exactly the same as your situation, but I want to let you know that the pain of your dog’s absence will lessen, especially if you know that she is safe and happy and not scarred from a trip. That being said, our other dog was an abused rescue dog. He has been with us 8 years and he knows we love him and wouldn’t hurt him. However, if we raise our hand in the air anywhere near him, he cowers like an abused dog. I think dogs learn to trust but have a hard time forgetting. I worry what your dog will be like after that trip. I’m so sorry you have to make this decision. Praying for wisdom for you. I know it’s not easy.
Hi Kristy – I love my Bella and feel your heart for Ella. Your decision will be the best one coming from your best self – and no regrets because you’ve already made thousands of important choices, to have Ella in your family for 10 years bringing you joy. Either choice is one more good choice.
Thinking of you often,
Jill
She is part of your family and should remain so. It will the move harder for all of you if you leave her. The trip may or may not kill her but my heart breaks for you having to make that call.
Sweet memories of you carrying Ella in The Stables. Lots of photos of the boys with sweet Durb’s and Ella. o glad she is there with you when Ben is gone now. May our Father God give you wisdom and peace and even joy in the sorrow, if that is before you.
Oh Carlson family…this decision brings tears to my eyes. No matter what decision you make it won’t be easy. Dogs are part of the family, they know when to run with us when we are happy and when to snuggle up when we are sad. I’ve lost dogs myself and it’s extreamly hard to say goodbye. If you were to put her down I fear there would be more guilt to tear you apart. Your friends sounds like amazing people who would love and care for Ella like their own. There is never any sure way of knowing what is going to happen with whatever decision you choose. All we have is today. Spend as much time as you can with her before you travel to your new home. My thoughts and prayers have been with you during this trying time. Take Care & God Bless all of you!
I have been thinking about this decision since you posted this. I know what I would do, but I’m not the one who actually has to do it. I have lost way too many beloved pets, and I know the pain your sitting with. Thankfully you have a good option with your neighbor friends. Thinking of you and hugging my pup extra tight:)