then and now

A seven year old girl once stood on the sidewalk of her Chicago suburb. Out of what seemed like nowhere to her, two dobermans appeared. They were growling and barking and showing their pointy teeth. And then they ran. They ran straight at her, looking as menacing as they possibly could. The little girl wanted to run away, to high-tail-it right back to her momma, but instead she was stuck like glue. She looked down at her Mary Janes willing her feet to move. They would not, she could not. She faced the onslaught without moving a muscle, like a deer doomed by the headlights that hold its gaze.

A teenage girl stood at the edge of a cliff in her swimsuit with people jumping off the cliff all around her. She saw them dancing in the sunlit sky in slow motion for a moment before they hit the water with a thud and a splash. They would scream on the way down and laugh when they came up for air. But not her. She stood there, frozen. In her mind she was ready to jump, but her body remembered. It remembered the feeling of fear. The feeling of the dobermans.

Tonight I feel the same feeling I felt then, all those years ago. The feeling of fear. I’ve worked so hard at living a life where I “feel the fear and do it anyway” but tonight I stand at the edge of that cliff and in the middle of that sidewalk so scared I could probably pee my pants if I thought about the fear long enough (although the peeing thing is not too uncommon anymore, seeing as a quick bladder comes adjacent to the gift of motherhood).

Tonight is our very last night in our dear little house. On one hand I am ecstatic that all the packing and planning and more packing is coming to an end… on the other hand I am so afraid to leave everything that I know behind, including my language.

This is the moment, our moment, His moment… and although I didn’t move all those years ago, I am going to move now. I’m going to move mostly because I want my boys to stare that doberman in the face and bark back when it comes running their direction. I want them to know that fear does not need to paralyze you, instead it can be the emotion that moves you towards achieving something that’s the best for you. We’ll see you in a week or two, from the coffee hills of Burundi. To make sure you get the most up to date info, follow us on twitter and become a fan on facebook.

Love,

Kristy

p.s. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers for our littlest guy. He’s home and recovering well from croup, but we are not budging until he is totally himself again. We will be staying with good friends until he’s ready to travel.