I can not believe that in just a few days our world will change again. Your first day of school. I am so nervous for you, and for me. I am worried that your inability to speak like them will shape you and change you… And it will shape you, your first day in a French world.
Maybe it will be “the day” you look back on as the starting point of great things for you? I look back on the day I threw a mud pie in your uncle’s face as the beginning of knowing both my strength and my limits. I hope that this is that kind of moment for you. A moment that allows you to glimpse the strength you possess. It is a mind blowing force, your strength. Taller than giraffes, and louder than lions.
I am hoping that I carry an un natural calm in my pocket that day. I’m not sure I will be able to let you go at that doorway. Your doorway into another world. I try to envision myself waving goodbye, smiling, excited for you. I can’t. I am too worried that I am throwing you to the sharks. The language sharks. What if they chomp your heart right out?
What if you believe a lie that day. A lie like “I will never understand.” What if that tiny whispery seed of a lie plants itself in your gut and grows up until your whole being believes it? What then? How will we recover you from the wreckage that awful whisper caused?
All this worry. For nothing, because if I think deep enough and pure enough I know the truth. You might stumble and tumble and run helter skelter… but then you will fly, my son. You will fly.
And I will be there for it all.
Love,
mom
oooh my gosh I am tearing up reading this. just because I am feeling so the same as you about the start of school this year. I wish we could have coffee together that day and distract ourselves!
This was shared with me the other day…may it be a valley of comfort in a fearsome French world.
August 23
“Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one – as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father’s undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.
When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.”
Gen 22:9-12; Ephesians 3:20; Exodus 33:14
This is the reference to my previous comment:
from “Jesus Calling” devotional by Sarah Young
i’m convinced that you are doing (and by now, have done) one of the most heart-wrenching things in motherhood by dropping you little boy off at that school! i bawled as i walked to the car after taking jones to youchien for the first time, thinking much of the same things you wrote about .. “what if he’s harmed by this, and i won’t know till later? what if he’s scared because he doesn’t understand? and since i have no idea what is going on, how the hell am i going to HELP HIM???” i’ve heard the Spirit-whispers in my heart over and over, “i love him more, Jamie. i love him more. and i am with him.” praying for you!!
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