Here’s the bone rattling truth, and I bet you never guessed it… I’m finding Burundi to be a difficult place to live. Beautiful, but difficult. Even though we are among the 2% with electricity and we have a nice big bed to sleep in at night, it’s still not easy. Communication is so challenging that by the end of the day I want to curl up in a ball and cry… and sometimes I do. The whole family has not had a solid poo between us since we moved here. The shower trickles out every morning and the boy’s bath takes over an hour to fill… one quarter of the way. We have five sinks… and only 2 work. Zero toilet seats. One refrigerator that barely works. There is a sugar shortage, a beer shortage, a petrol shortage, a water shortage, and an electricity shortage. There is also a shortage on human beings who are not corrupt or “after something.” We see guns every day, they are everywhere. We hear grenades… every day. These things are not terrible travesties in themselves, but they add up. Like points on a board, all stacking up against our resilience. Slowly wearing down the resources of our being.
Everywhere we go we are aware that we are different. In the coffee hills often the kids are too scared of “the mzungu babies” to play with the boys. But they will watch them. All.day.long. they will watch. For a short period of time this is ok, but when you live here it begins to get you bone-weary. Like living in a petri dish, hot and back lit for better viewing. I’ve begun to wonder if my children will grow up feeling like they are separate. different. or even, special. Is this place going to be positive or negative for them? Because if negative is the answer…. well. Or will it just be life, an existence normal to them but foreign to their parents.
We have days of spirited hope, and days when we see the formation of dark clouds hovering just over our souls. On those days, the cloud hovering days, there is no place to escape it. No movie theatre. No shopping mall. No TV (that one’s our choice). No sushi. No refreshing distractions… instead we just have to look ourselves smack dab in the face.
It helps to gather the troops… bring some America or South Africa our way in the form of our new expat friends, silly traditions, hamburgers… anything. Sometimes we make popcorn, watch a really American movie and talk to some really South African friends on Skype. I also love going to the houses of those who get a container of their things shipped here when they move. A whole big huge container. When you walk into their houses it’s like walking into a mini-America or a mini-England right down to the gas grill…. I LOVE it. I leave so refreshed from being in the presence of Ikea curtains (technically not American, but you know…) and Yankee candles.
We spent TEN YEARS in South Africa and I never ever felt this separate, this distant, this DIFFERENT from the culture I am living in. Not ever. In fact there I became myself, I met who I really am on the southern tip of this beautiful continent. And it is the same continent I am on now… but man, it feels a world away.
I already need a break. A bit of time. Time to wrap my head around life here. To slow down. To get out of the petri dish. To remember why we made this leap in the first place. To listen to the God who created me… to hear Him whisper,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:11-13
I am cringing at the thought of posting this. It all sounds so whiny, but of course I’ll do it anyway.
The evening rain is rolling in and here’s more from our beautiful Burundi coffee hills…
i love u kristy carlson… hope to be those south african friends of yours coming to visit soon. miss u so much. u have a beautiful gift, kristy. keep taking these photos and keep writing – even when its hard. its who you are and its so easy to love.
Oh, my goodness. Kristy, I don’t detect ONE ounce of whininess in your post! Sounds like the raw reality to me. Please keep sharing – don’t let lies of you thinking you sound whiney keep you from sharing your heart and keep you isolated even more than you guys already are. Your postings are a gift – thank you.
As my mom would say, “whine, fuss, ball.” It doesn’t change it, but it can change you, make you feel better. And really, it doesn’t come across as whining. It can’t while the rest of us sit in our cushy homes like the diplomats.
Keep your chin up. You guys are amazing. Your kids are already amazing and will continue to be. You’re taking a chance on a life more beautiful, richer. It’s risky. But that girl you found in South Africa was born for this.
So. Much. Love.
I agree with Christy and Dawn. Thanks for taking the “risk” of sharing the raw truth. It reminds me of the song “Better Than a Hallelujah” sung by Amy Grant. In moments like these, I am changed. I will pray for many specifics you mentioned here. Much love, Kerry
And Abby too!!! We were posting at the same time!!
You are in no way whiny…you are going through a super intense time with extreme transition. You deserve all the support and encouragement you can get! I am amazed at what you are Ben are doing and hope that nothing but blessings come to you and your family.
Now we know how to pray for you. Also am really hoping to visit you guys next August whe I go to Uganda but need to know from you if it would be safe for me to travel along, have one friend who may be brave enough to come with. ( she ‘l be in Uganda with me anyway)
Burundi is different. Burundi is the edge of the world. Go to Rutana and some other eastern provences and you’ve gone beyond the end of the world. We plan to return to Buja in December. We will bring gifts. Oh, Kigali, Rwanda, great place to unwind from Burundi. They have stores with good stuff. Power – ok. Water – more limited than Buja.
Someday you’re family will be well known and loved in Burundi for the great work God id through you there—perhaps even celebrated well beyond your time on this sphere. We’re so glad to be a small part of it.
Thanks everyone for all the love! It’s great to just hear you. Makes us feel close to home.
praying. xx
praying xx
I remember Spooner saying something about building character during these times that are so difficult for us. My friend, you will have more character that any other woman in the world! Love to you and your boys.
Hmm..
Hey who wrote this, Ben or Kristy..? Anyway, I’m here in Burundi for about three weeks now, and for me it’s a different experience.. I’m alone without kids, so that’s less of a worry, and I don’t even need to make money here, just living of savings.. Ok, and some bitcoin profits from the past, but that’s the past.. I’ll need an income either here or when I get back, but that’s irrelevant now.
I haven’t been sick, apart for one evening when I felt tired and vomited twice; I hadn’t eaten much that day, but the next day I started feeling okay again. Poop is okay too for me :-). Mind you, I know about (alternative) healthcare, so that next day I took some MMS, which seemed to work for me. Also since pretty much all alternative specialists don’t like them I took no vaccinations whatsoever before coming here.. Neither the ‘mandatory’ yellow fever shot, and noone asked about it :-).
With the native kids I had similar experiences, when I showed them themselves in the display of my camcorder they went wild, and followed me the rest of the day as if I was Santa himself.. I’m only Rudolf :-). And I love it here.. the kids are amazing and sweet. Can’t wait to taste your coffee next week!
-Rudolf.
I think I know exactly how you feel! So Oman is not as rural as where you are, but the petri dish – hot and back lit – is SUCH a great analogy! The part about the kids, too – wanting them to integrate and make friends, but not wanting to push them too hard or too quickly. We love you guys – be strong and courageous. He is with you!
Marlen
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
God will get you through every difficult moment.
Bless you guys!